Growing up, grief had become a huge part of my life. Every now and then, the news of someone passing found its way into my house which was very difficult news to swallow. However, with the unexpectedness of life, It was a process I had to go through with optimism and strength. In situations like death, it is very difficult to accept and move forward but unfortunately, everyone has to go through it.
However, there are different coping mechanisms and strategies that I always implemented. At points, they seemed insignificant as death is one of the toughest obstacles that life throws at us. Personally, for me, the toughest one would be the loss of my grandfather as I perceived him as not only a best friend but one of the most important people in my life. He saw what I was capable of even at times when I felt discontent coming from other people in my family. Therefore, as expected, his passing was a prolonged shock for me.
I actually conducted research, finding out that I had suffered from prolonged grief – usually due to the loss of a loved one, primarily to violence. There were moments when it seemed like an impossible process but one day at a time, I had to push myself and move on with life. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t forget about him because that’s the thing, at times you need to move on but the person always stays with you spiritually. It just shapes your personality.
To those who are struggling with letting someone go or have lost a loved one, I will be sharing different methods that worked with me and I continue to implement them in my life right now:
Write your feelings down – address a letter to them or what you would like to say. Express any emotion you feel whether it's anger or sadness.
Make a schedule of what you plan to do moving forward – a goal always works for me.
Understand that there will be moments where you will be very vulnerable and upset – find a positive outlet to express those emotions.
Surround yourself with people who would understand your pain – those who might be going through the same thing.
Take some space and time for yourself to process your emotions – set boundaries with people who are making your healing process troublesome.
When it comes to understanding and coping with grief, people respond differently. However, these techniques always helped me in situations where grief was a struggle. Initially, the loss of a loved one seems impossible to cope with but every time it makes you stronger and changes your perception of life. I can definitely say this as last week, I lost one of my friends, a 17 year old boy, to cardiac arrest. Even though the wound is still recent, every day in his remembrance I feel stronger. I wouldn’t say that it gets easier over time but you just get better at coping with it while focusing on your goals and ambitions. What I always think about is if the person I’ve lost saw me like this, it would hurt them. What I have learnt is that life is too short and we should live it to the maximum and reach our goals and ambitions because life passes us by and we might not realise it. We should always acknowledge what that person would want us to do but initially give ourselves the time to heal and comprehend the tragedy that has hit us. At the end of the day, we are all human and we need a safe space and environment to heal and conceal those wounds. I would like to end on this quote:
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
This was so heartfelt and well-written!