Most of us are familiar with the conflicting advice that misogyny-affected people receive. We’re told to cover up and then to dress down, and the instructions keep changing depending on who is giving them to us. They all link to the same phenomenon though- our worth in society as objects meant for sexual pleasure.
That got very deep very fast, so let’s break it down slowly.
Let's start with understanding that there is nothing sexual about the bare naked human body.
“It’s only natural to be aroused when someone’s naked”, no it is not. The sight of someone’s breasts, their waist, their stomach, their thighs, their legs, their arms is not supposed to sexually arouse you. The only thing that should sexually get you started is the sight of people having sex. Many indigenous communities do not punish their women for revealing their breasts because they do not see breasts sexually, in fact, they get disgusted when they learn that’s how the west treats female bodies.
So, why is it that when we look at a bare naked female body, we feel sexual arousal? We’re conditioned to believe from the very beginning that the female body is an object for male sexual pleasure and nothing else. That is objectification.
What does it mean to be objectified? When you look at a paintbrush, you associate it with paint and art. When you look at a knife in the kitchen, you associate it with cutting up vegetables. When you look at a phone charger, you associate it with charging your phone. We make these connections because they are objects with their own purpose, and that’s how we look at female bodies. Except this time, their purpose is to give men sexual pleasure. They’re not human beings with emotions, experiences, thoughts and dreams. They exist solely to be f**ked.
We don’t do this with male bodies, in fact, the sight of a penis disgusts many, even those who are attracted to men; because when we look at the male body, we don’t automatically think “sex”. We don’t assign the male body a purpose because we do not see it as an object.
In our society, the role of masculine-presenting people is more than that of a sexual object. They are considered to be bearers of productivity and strength. Whereas, the role of feminine-presenting people in society is only that of a child bearer. That’s also why feminine-presenting people care so much about their appearance from a young age, because appearance is tied to sexuality which is (unknowingly to them) tied to the ability to bear children.
Masculine-presenting people have stomachs, butts, waists, thighs, and all these other body parts that feminine-presenting people have, but they aren’t asked to cover up because their self worth and their place in society isn’t tied up with their sexuality or ability to bear children.
This is also the reason why, while beauty standards are harsh for masculine-presenting people, they’re harsher for feminine-presenting people, because we are dehumanized. In our world, if we fail at being attractive, if we fail at conceiving children - the only thing we exist to do, we don’t have any worth in our society.
Purity Culture and Over-sexualization: Two Sides of the Same Coin.
This is why I have a problem with dress codes in school. The school I went to told me that I must dress “modestly” or “respectfully”. They told literal children that if they dressed a certain way, they would be undeserving of respect. Sexualization is the power of the observer, so instead of hiring staff that wouldn’t sexualize us, they chose to teach us that our bodies were something sinful.
But here is where things get tricky. If sexualization is the power of the observer, should young girls, children, go on Tiktok and post thirst traps of themselves. No. Why? Because these kids think sexualization is empowering, and this way of thinking is damaging.
It is true that one can’t control how the other person views them, but intent matters and is the defining feature.
You could post a picture of your feet with no sexual intent and get sexual messages about them. The issue with purity culture is that it shames feminine-presenting people for doing “culturally sexual things” regardless of if there was sexual intent (neither calls for harassment), whereas, over-sexualization makes a person tie their self worth and self-image to their sexuality, making kids as young as 12 want to be desired sexually, causing them to do “culturally sexual things” on apps like Tiktok for validation.
So, what must one do? If you cover up it's a problem, and if you dress down that's an issue as well. Clearly, you’re stuck with cis men telling you what to do. So you might as well do what you truly want, right?
The idea of choice is tricky because we have never truly chosen a single thing in our lives. Every personal choice you’ve made was actually made for you by society, or influenced by the way you were brought up as a child, or as a result of wanting to fit in, media etc.
I choose to wear makeup, but do I really? I want to look pretty, but why do I go to such lengths? For whom? I can lie to myself and tell myself that I do it for me. So that I feel
pretty. But would I feel like myself if I didn't wear makeup?
Often, one's thoughts around it can be simplified into: "I want to be seen as conventionally attractive so I feel better about myself because how I view myself depends on if others find me attractive”. And this is without even delving into how Eurocentric standards of beauty (if not that, the fetishization of other ethnic features like Asian-fishing) are the most sought-after looks in makeup. When you start to consider this, it doesn’t really feel like a choice anymore.
Anyways, we’re digressing. What must one do? Now, despite what I said about choice, do what you feel most comfortable doing (I know, that seems like a total 180). Our worth in society might feel like it’s been changed, but it hasn’t.
Female political candidates are sexualized, and sex workers are told they’re going to go to hell. So do what makes you comfortable. Just take a moment to be aware of the world around you and how you are melded into it. But at the end of the day, if the world can’t make peace with our bodies, the least we deserve is to make peace with it ourselves.
so important!